Game Characters That Should Be Inanimate Objects

Before I get into the article, I’d just like to thank you for reading this. It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything, and I’d like to become more frequent in doing so from now on. All feedback, praise or critisism, is welcome. I may be rusty (or just bad) and I want to know what I’m doing right or wrong.

In the wild and wacky worlds created within games, it’s not uncommon to have less-than-possible aspects. One, specific example of this would be game characters which, were they in our world, would be lifeless, inanimate objects. Even the most boring and dull objects, however, can be magically transformed into (sometimes) more interesting, full characters in games! I’ve made this list of five characters which are just that: Animated in their world, but with inanimate, real-world counterparts.

Goombas (Mario series)

What a Goomba is:

A Goomba

Goombas, with their first appearance as villains in Super Mario Bros. on the NES, are some of the most recognisable characters from the Mario franchise. Despite being such a well-known species, though, Goombas are easily defeated, simply by getting their heads jumped on by Mario or any of the series’ other playable characters. Goombas were once loyal to The Mushroom Kingdom, but joined the Koopa Troop and became soldiers of Bowser at an unknown time for an unknown reason.

What a Goomba should be:

A Mushroom

Mushrooms are the fruiting bodies of fungi which carry spores for that fungi to grow. They come in all shapes and sizes, but the most familiar type of mushroom is the kind with a stem and a cap, which we can see on Goombas, too. A lot of different things can fall under the heading of “mushroom” and these different things have different purposes. Some mushrooms are edible and very popular in some cuisines. Some other mushrooms, however, can be very poisonous when eaten. This is bad and I will not be held responsible if someone is inspired by my mushroom write-up to eat some poisonous fungi.

Stalfos (The Legend of Zelda seires)

What a Stalfos is: 

A Stalfos

Stalfos are recurring enemies which have appeared in almost every game in The Legend of Zelda series from the very first one. Over time, they have looked wildly different and used a different array of weapons and attacks from swords (in Zelda II: Link’s Adventure) to their own bones (in A Link to the Past). Stalfos have even been known – in Twilight Princess – to resurrect themselves once defeated unless their bones are destroyed. Some notable Stalfos to appear in the series include Master Stalfos from Link’s Awakening who is the mini-boss of the fifth dungeon in the game, Catfish’s Maw. I feel the need to stop here before I say the word ‘Stalfos’ again…

What a Stalfos should be:

A Human Skeleton

You may be able to argue that a Stalfos shouldn’t be compared to a human skeleton as it obviously has things like armour and a sword along with it. If you do argue this then please, I’m just trying to be humorous, here. Now, the skeleton in a structure of bones within the human body which keeps humans from collapsing into a heap of tissue. It allows us to move freely at joints and… Well once again, not be a motionless pile of skin. Bare skeletons are often a common feature of children’s Halloween-related movies or TV shows and are also a common costume choice around the same time.

Zombies (Left 4 Dead, Dead Island, etc.)

What zombies are:

A ‘horde’ of Zombies in Left 4 Dead

Zombies are usually depicted as mindless, rage-filled, crazy, animated corpses brought back to life by means of witchcraft or – more common in modern times – a type of disease. Traditionally, zombies are created when a corpse is either resurrected or when a virus kills a host and reanimates its carcass. The ‘zombie virus’ can then be passed by a zombie to a living person by breaking their skin with a part of their body, usually by biting. Zombies will also actively attack or chase humans in order to kill them and eat them. The only way traditional zombies can be killed is by destroying the brain. The undead can only function with fully-functioning brains.

What zombies should be:

A Human Corpse

Eh… Yeah. Moving on.

Ezlo (The Legend Of Zelda: The Minish Cap)

What Ezlo is:


Ezlo was once a crafstman and sage who was cursed and became a bird/hat hybrid (no, seriously, please don’t close this tab) by The Minish Cap’s main antagonist, Vaati who was once his apprentice. Ezlo plays a pretty big part in the game. He accompanies Link on his quest to find and defeat Vaati, along the way guiding Link and giving him advice. For a lot of gameplay, Ezlo doesn’t appear different from Link’s normal, green hat. His face is only shown if he’s talking or is the player asks him for advice.

What Ezlo should be:

A Hat

A hat is an item of clothing worn on a persons head. They come in all different shapes, sizes and styles. Hats can be used for many different things. They can either be worn fashionably or worn practically, like by utilising the peak on a baseball cap to shield the sun from the wearer’s eyes. Hats cannot, however, be enchanted in such a way that a craftsman is turned into one and then gives you advice on defeating your enemies. Unfortunately.

Mokujin (Tekken series)

What Mokujin is:


Mokujin is a training dummy made from a 2000 year-old oak tree that suddenly became self-aware. Still with me? Good. Mokujin can be male or female (male being default and female being a palette-swap) and it doesn’t have its own fighting style, it randomly mimics the styles of other characters in the game that you’re playing. According to the Tekkenpedia Mokujin’s likes include ‘Mimicry’ and its dislikes include ‘Evil’.

What Mokujin Should Be:

A Tree

Trees are great. They give us great things like furniture, paper, oxygen and forrest fires. Trees have a long history in the world. It’s not exactly sure when trees were first invented or by whom, but some believe it was sometime around the start of all life in the universe, give or take a couple of million years. Trees are very much like, but should not be confused with their close relatives, flowers. Some famous trees in video games include The Great Deku Tree from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time and the Mana Tree from Secret of Mana.

So, that’s the conclusion to this article. I hope you’re leaving it with more knowledge than you had, starting off. Like, what a ‘Stalfos’ is, what a hat can and cannot do, or the likes and dislikes of Mokujin. If I have passed any of that on to you, I’m happy.


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